It's been the better part of a month since I attempted to gain initiation into the Elemental Sphere of Air by conjuring Raphael. Since then, I've gone through a certain amount of personal work and development. I recently wrote about my experiences in being attuned and initiated into Fire, and that has helped a LOT.
For that reason, I recently decided to try to gain initiation into Air again. This time, as I did with the Fire initiation, I used a version of the Trithemius/Rufus Opus method modified with Strategic Sorcery tech. Raphael didn't come across quite as clearly as Michael did, but his responses were more defined. He agreed to give me the initiation to Air and integration of its forces into my sphere.
I've read the experiences of Polyphanes and The Unlikely Mage regarding this initiation. In many ways my experience matched up with theirs, especially concerning the after-effects. During the initiation it felt like air was blowing through my blood vessels, which was a rather interesting sensation to say the least! Since then, I've noticed that I'm better at analyzing my thoughts and detaching from them. This has unexpectedly lent me more emotional control in a kind of Cognitive-Behavioral therapeutic way (something which I'll get more into later in this post).
So with that, I've been initiated into all four Elemental Spheres. Based on mention by students of Rufus Opus, there is a second part to the elemental initiations, but I'm going to hold off on those until I am more in touch with my Angel. Besides, I'm going to begin working through the Planetary Spheres as well.
Recently I conjured my Genius again and asked it if my plan of going through the Planetary Spheres in the order of Luna>Mercury>Venus>Sol>Mars>Jupiter>Saturn was best. Contrary to initial indications when I made these plans, my Genius advised me not to do that order. Instead, I should apparently start with Saturn.
This advice, less than a week later, proved to mean more and make so much sense.
The Battle With The Demons Begins
Dear readers, what follows is slightly personal and has a slight weight to it. When I say "slight" I mean it as in "yeah, there is, but not THAT much".
For a long time I've felt the need to go through psychotherapy of some kind. My main reason used to be self-knowledge. But now, that is the last reason. The main reason is a lot of issues with depression and anxiety.
A few days after I received the aforementioned advice from my Genius, I went to my first appointment with my therapist. Some of the major influences on my thoughts and emotions were discussed, and at the end of the session, my therapist said something incredibly apt: It seems as though I have a weak sense of self.
One of the many issues involved in a weak sense of self are boundary issues. These type of issues themselves can take several forms, and I'd say I have covered about 75% of them! After learning this through further research, the advice from my Genius makes so much more sense.
See, this is where Saturn comes in. Saturn can help me define myself, establish healthier boundaries, and thus enable myself to have greater self-esteem and confidence. Going down the order from there, I feel like Jupiter has a great role to play in my reclaiming and fostering a healthy sense of self, but if I formulated the words for it, they currently escape me.
So that's it...the battle with my demons has begun. Already I feel like I have so many weapons to use in the fight against depression, anxiety and other issues, that I truly feel hopeful. I have the forces of the universe I can integrate into my being. I have meditation to help me work with my thoughts. I have literature chock full of great-quality Congnitive-Behavioral Therapy tech, and I have a damn good therapist whose reputation precedes her.
It's time to be awesome again.